A Clinical Examination of Blackheart Activity
Dr. Paige Turner investigates the increasingly concerning case of Lio Rush. Her findings are finnnneeeee.
PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION
Patient: Lio Rush
Known As: Blackheart
Evaluator: Dr. Paige Turner, PhD*
Evaluation Type: Extremely Unofficial Behavioral Assessment
Clinical Setting: Somewhere backstage, apparently
Medical Validity: 0%
Patient Consent: 🤷♀️
I. REASON FOR EVALUATION
Patient was referred to Dr. Turner after displaying repeated symptoms of what the medical community has absolutely not recognized as Blackheart Activity™.
Observed symptoms include:
☑ Excessive intensity
☑ Unnecessary levels of confidence
☑ Making every situation approximately 400% more dramatic
☑ Moving like he’s Gollum searching for the One Ring
☑ Refusing to acknowledge obvious danger
☑ Saying “it’s finnnneeeee” when it is clearly not fine
☑ General Blackheart behavior
II. PATIENT INTERVIEW
Dr. Turner: How are you feeling today?
Patient: “It’s finnnneeeee.”
Dr. Turner: Are you sure?
Patient: “It’s finnnneeeee.”
Dr. Turner: Would you like to discuss what’s bothering you?
Patient: “It’s finnnneeeee.”
Clinical conclusion:
Patient has provided no useful information but appears extremely committed to the word “fine.”
III. CLINICAL ASSESSMENT
Mood: ☑ Blackheart
Affect: ☑ Menacing
Impulse Control: ☐ Present ☑ Somewhere else
Common Sense: ☐ Detected ☑ Unable to locate
Dramatic Instinct: ☑ Severe
Likelihood of Doing Something Insane: ☑ Extremely High
Likelihood of Admitting It: ☑ Absolutely Not
Diagnosis:
Acute Blackheart Syndrome™
*Not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, the medical community, or literally anyone with a medical degree.
IV. RECOMMENDATIONS
Dr. Turner recommends the following treatment protocol:
PRIMARY INTERVENTION:
DO NOT MOVE.
Patient appears to rely heavily on his ability to visually locate his target.
Therefore:
IF YOU DON’T MOVE, HE CAN’T SEE YOU.
This groundbreaking discovery was made by Orange Cassidy.
It may or may not be true.
Additional recommendations:
☐ Remain calm
☐ Do not make sudden movements
☐ Do not encourage the Blackheart
☐ Provide him with an umbrella
☐ If patient says “it’s finnnneeeee,” assume it is absolutely fine
☐ Run only if medically necessary, because apparently standing completely still is the treatment
V. PROGNOSIS
☑ Probably fine
☑ Definitely Blackheart
☑ Treatment unlikely to work
☑ Patient will probably ignore the treatment anyway
Long-term outlook:
Patient is expected to remain Blackheart indefinitely.
Dr. Turner sees no evidence that this condition can be cured.
She also sees no evidence that the patient wants to be cured.
Nor does she believe treatment is necessary because
IT’S FIIIIINNNNNEEE.
VI. FINAL CLINICAL NOTE
After extensive observation, Dr. Turner has reached the following conclusion:
Lio Rush is fine.
He is also not fine.
He is, in fact, finnnneeeeeeeee.
Recommended treatment remains:
IF YOU DON’T MOVE, HE CAN’T SEE YOU.
Dr. Paige Turner, PhD
A Real Doctor
*Not affiliated with any wrestling cults, churches, secret societies, or suspicious Omega-related religious organizations.
